Almost two years ago several people who had tested with me for 1st dan went on to test for 2nd dan while I was passed over. I spent the next year and a half working hard, putting extra time in on my weakest point, kengi and jogi, borrowing a friend's studio space two or three times a month to practice on my own. I went to as many classes taught by the head teacher as was reasonably possible. I worked harder to make up for what I considered to be my disadvantages compared to the people I thought of as my cohorts.
For the first time since then, our head teacher tapped some people to go test for 2nd dan on 7 November. I was one of the three, because I really have improved a lot. I'm good!
But I failed anyway due to a stupid mistake.
I cried a lot, because it was very humiliating to be the only one to be identified as a failure, not only among those who tested for 2nd dan that day at honbu, but also among everyone I practice with at the dojo. But - unlike 2 years ago I do not doubt that I have the ability to improve my aikido. I really am good (enough!) and I improve with practice.
As I was crying in the bathroom stall after the results were announced, waiting for the bus to take us all to the station to go home, I found a magic word that took all the bad feeling away: "XXXXXXX". So that is on the top of my list now. (If this kind of thing ever happens to you, you will have to find your own magic word).
Post mortem:
After tantodori 5 kinds, nage gives uke the tanto, and uke then goes and exchanges it for a ken in order to do tachidori 5 kinds. When you hand uke the tanto at this time, do you take the same maai and observe uke for potential attack in the same way as you do after the other tantodori techniques? You better! Maybe like me you will lose track and think that the 4th throw was actually the last.
I did not take big enough maai. My uke hesitated, then stepped in and stabbed me.
4 comments:
Ultimately studying technique is useless. As Shinichi Suzuki Sensei said, "Dojo practice is very different from facing cold steel." Hopefully you will never have to experience the truth of that statement.
When you become a shodan, you have some idea of where your hand and feet should be when doing techniques.
When you become a nidan, you should start being an instructor. Who have you been helping to improve? Have you been observing your instructor's classes and seen how he/she teaches? How have you been helping others?
When you practice Shin Shin Toitsu Aikido, there is no success or failure. There is just practice. Keep training.
Thank you for your thoughtful advice and encouragement.
Hopefully as I continue training I will be able to better use what I learn on the mat to help others in my daily life.
Laurel,
Our tests need to be as close to real combat as possible. To be honest, I'm glad you got stabbed. Why? Because you will NEVER let that happen again. In a split second, you had a learning experience. I am sorry that it was enough for your teacher to mark you down. I am sorry that you didn't get the rush of pride of achieving your goal. Next time however, you will be ready for that damn knife and, if in real life you must face such a horror, you will be that much more ready.
NEXT time success!
Take care!
e.
Thank you for your comment. It looks like I will get a chance to try again at the end of March. Hopefully I can make some other improvements as well!
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